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"Over the Top" — An Industry With Sucky Web Sites
The definition of an "Over the Top" industry is just like the definition of pornography -- you know it when you see it. Over the Top sites generally deal with philosophy, religion, politics, end times, etc., but they're generally not mainstream.
Many of these sites have been included in "The Worst Web Site of 2005-8" or are contenders for Worst Web Site of 2009.
Havenworks
It's pretty obvious why this site is listed here. When someone sees this site, their reaction is the same as my reaction when I first saw it — WTF? — What the Heck? Originally listed as the #3 Contender for Worst Web Site of 2008, it kept on grating on everyone's nerves until it became the Number One Worst Web Site.
I made a full-size screen capture of the site that weighs in at 37Mb. Amazingly, the web page itself weighs in at only 996.62Kb (on the day I tested it); nevertheless, it's 996.62Kb of crappy design. Have these people ever seen another web site? Another news site? A site like MSNBC.com?
Bella De Soto's Web Site
The above is a really reduced screen shot:
I think we have the winner for the Worst Web Site of 2009. Heck. this may be the worst web site of all time. Congratulations to the submitter of this site. You've just found the bottom of web design.
Bad web design is like pornography — just when you think you've seen it all and you think nothing could disgust you, along comes something worse. This site is the 2 Girls 1 Cup of bad web design. No, as far as I can tell there's no pornography, just a web site that makes the 2008 Worst Web Site — Havenworks — look like CSS Zen Garden.
The home page is HUGE. In fact, I don't know how large it is because it's still downloading and it's 2:00 a.m., and I'd like to go to bed. I'm guesstimating it's around 503Mb. That's Mb as in Megabytes. It's so big I can't get the great screen capture program, SnagIt, to capture a complete screen shot.
The page scrolls HORIZONTALLY and VERTICALLY. Holy, mother of God. This is a nightmare.
Because the home page is so huge, I'm not going to provide a direct link. You'll just have to copy and paste the URL. I wish I drank, because I need a drink after looking at this site. Hell, I think it's time to start. I've got orange juice and I think there's some old vodka somewhere in the kitchen.
Just in case their system crashes from bandwidth overload, SnagIt was able to give me a partial screen capture — 6000 x 7000 pixels.
Here's a partial screen capture
Here's a partial screen capture at a larger size
As I said, I'm not providing a direct link because I don't want to blow out their bandwidth. If you want to type it in, it's at http://www.belladesoto.us/
George Hutchins for U.S. Congress
This site left an imprint on my retinas before I could close the browser. I'm scarred for life.
I'm going to steal from one of my contributors when I say, This site is so bad, it simply cannot be "fixed," that is, without the aid of a flight of F-4's armed with napalm. Here is this site in the process of being fixed.
Through all the mess on the site I discovered Hutchins is a Republican. I figured Hutchins had never seen the RNC web site and I was right. It's much better than his site, but all that red on the RNC home page scared the bejesus out of me.
Burlington Ufo and Paranormal Research and Education Center
I think there are two possible reactions to this site. As the great movie reviewer Mr. Cranky has said:
- “This is so godawful that it ruptures the very fabric of space and time with the sheer overpowering force of its mediocrity.”
- “Proof that Jesus died in vain.”
Association of International Glaucoma Societies
Submitter's comments: Between the operatic "Glaucoma Hymn" that downloads and plays soon as you come to the main page (with no "Stop Playing!" button), the bobbing heads of (what I presume are) the AIGS Board in the upper-left hand corner, and no clear explanation of what this organization DOES on the main page.
Vincent Flanders' comments: I generally only agree 100% with the submitter, but in this case I agree 210%. What were they thinking when they decided on creating this music? What about the horrid use of frames? What was the meeting like when everyone said, "This rocks"? I'm just stunned.
They've changed the site (very little).
YouTube video of how site originally appeared.
Video of how site originally appeared.
Association of International Glaucoma Societies (their somewhat updated web site)
Accept Jesus, Forever Forgiven!
This site was the fourth worst web site of 2006 and winner in the category "Jesus Hates Our Web Site." It's a classic example of everything a web site shouldn't be. As one commenter stated:
I've been round and round a succession of appalling pages with a collection of backgrounds that are presumably for sale on "Backgrounds from Hell" and never managed to find my way back to the original page.
Something in the page caused my mouse to throw a fit and I had to shut the machine down to get it working again. However, the site has a guestbook with favourable comments about how cheerful it is, so the visitors obviously love it and, despite what I think, it does fulfill its purpose as a religious site. The first thing everyone says when they open that page is JEEZUS!!!!
Haiti News Network
It's Christmas in Haiti! A Haitian News Network site. O….M….G. Mother Mary save us!!!!
There are only two possible reasons this site won't make the final list of the worst sites of 2009:
- They fix the site.
- My clever, clever readers discover and send in a whole bunch of sites that are worse than today's sucker. Frankly, this possibility scares me more than a proctologist with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
At least this site doesn't use sound files. Actually, I'm not sure because I was too scared to click any links. If the home page sucks this much, what hope is there for any of the subpages? This site doesn't just suck, it's the black hole of f**cking death.
If you're one of those folks who think that the glass is half-full, you'll be comforted by the thought that web design in Haiti has nowhere to go but up. I'm not sure which of the following two statements from the great movie reviewer Mr. Cranky applies to the Haiti News Network:
- “This is so godawful that it ruptures the very fabric of space and time with the sheer overpowering force of its mediocrity.”
- “Proof that Jesus died in vain.”
Wait. I know which one is the right phrase — It's the black hole of f**cking death.
The Light of God Ministry
It's bad and it's bonkers. I actually struggled to find a ‘How to tell if your web site sucks' rule it doesn't break. I guess there isn't a FlashSplash page. Oh, and no Mystery Meat Navigation (although it is almost unreadable), but other than that, it's a pretty full house.
My favourite quote from the site is from the real truth about god’ page, ‘God is coming – and he is mad;' — probably mostly about this piss-poor web site.
The left and right columns of text are centered, while the center column text is flush left. For some reason, it just seems funny in an ironic way.
BTW, the site says the 7 years of tribulation starts December 14, 2012. I hate to break the news, but according to the History Channel's shows (about Nostradamus and the Mayans), the world is going to end on December 21, 2012. I guess if you have accrued vacation time, you might want to plan to use it up before then <grin>.
Surviving Niburu
The History Channel has been running a bunch of shows (which you can buy on DVD) about how the world's going to end in 2012. Here's one and here's another. Basically, here's the core of the story:
It is a doomsday that is foretold in The Mayan Calendar, the Chinese oracle of the I Ching… even an internet-based prophetic software program: December 21st, 2012. Is there any truth to the prophecy that the world will end on that specific date? And why do so many oracles throughout history seem to point to that same dreaded doomsday?
I've got a “Future Map of the United States 1998-2001″ which, believe it or not, hasn't come true yet. I think people are still talking up the subject, but I'm willing to bet the dates have been changed to protect the erroneous. When I originally bought it I hung it up in my office and it was a wonderful conversation piece; otherwise, it was worthless.
Maybe the world will end in 2012. If it does, it will be because of all the sucky web sites about predicting the end of the world like today's sucker.
Space Ark
The person who sent this site in said:
To start, I used to be a writer for science fiction magazines, and I've seen some really godawful Web sites for science fiction authors, fans, magazines, and conventions in my time. I submit one that gave me flashbacks to 1997...
It is just me, or is the universe trying to tell me something by my seeing this site just after the tenth anniversary of the Heaven's Gate suicides? If I didn't know better, I'd suspect that the Heaven's Gate crew designed this site...or that the author thought that using the Heaven's Gate templates were a great way to sell his book.
Creation Museum, Taxidermy Hall of Fame of NC and Antique Tool Museum
Unfortunately, in the battle between appearance and reality, appearance wins on the web. If your site looks like it was designed by a psychotic, people aren't going to trust the content.
In my speeches I use an example of a business site I call "The Vincent Flanders School of Dentistry and Auto Body Repair." The name of the school always gets a laugh because...well, it's "out there." The #3 Worst Site knocked down, ran over and trampled the name of my school — "Creation Museum, Taxidermy Hall of Fame of NC and Antique Tool Museum."
This site is a classic example of Mistake #5 from Biggest Mistakes in Web Design 1995-2015 — "Have you ever seen another web site? Really? Doesn't look like it." I call this type of design the "I haven't taken my antipsychotics in a while school of web design."
Creation Museum, Taxidermy Hall of Fame of NC and Antique Tool Museum
Jesus Christ is the ONLY way to heaven!
WWJDIHSTWS? What Would Jesus Do If He Saw This Web Site?
Whenever I see seemingly religious web sites like this one, the number 1135 comes to mind. That's 1135 as in John 11:35 — "Jesus wept."
Celibacy, Meditation, and Enlightenment
If you are going to have a site this controversial, at least employ decent web design.
I thought this was a Buddhist-based blasphemy, but it turns out the top section changes religions. I'm not sure how often, perhaps daily. Right now, it looks Christian.
John Titor Time Traveler
There's a lot of consistency — blue headlines are centered, red links are flush left, text is generally white. OK, OK, I'm stretching a bit here. I looked at the source code and there's no CSS, just FONT tags. It would be difficult, but not impossible to fix this site. It isn't as easy as the site I “fixed” the other day by changing a few tags. There also seems to be a gaping hole at the top. Wonder what is supposed to be there.
Happeh Theory — NSFW!
Seriously ugly. I hate to admit it, but I am a bit afraid to venture beyond the home page...OMG..this MUST be a joke.
Whether the author of this site was playing a joke on the world, or was serious, one thing is very clear; he must not really care about getting the message out, as he spent so little effort in simply making the site attractive. Even if you are a cast-iron lunatic, people will take you much more seriously if you make your point in an attractive fashion.
Time Cube
Just visit it. You'll see. Or if you want a real explanation:
A. Near longest page in the world.
B. Too... Big... Text.... Can't..... Read.....
C. Pretty colored text. Ew.
D. Too much more. Just look.
