The Daily Sucker

Submitter comments: I’ve just started using Crystal Reports 10 and had an issue pop up — a manager emailed me a report and asked for a change. When I ran the report to see what it did, CR popped up a message that a function couldn’t be used (UTCtoLocal) since the dll it needs isn’t installed. No big deal — go get the dll and install it, right? Wrong!

Apparently SAP bought Business Objects which owns CR. And the SAP support page now supports — sort of — Business Objects. They have a 2 MB PDF file on how to navigate their support web site. Hint: if you need a 2 MB PDF file to explain how to navigate your web site, something is wrong. Seriously wrong. And I’ve spent 45 minutes trying to find out where the dll is on their web site with no success so far.

Vincent Flanders’ comments: An interesting web design issue. The good news is the link is clearly marked that you’ll be downloading a 2Mb PDF file. The bad news is someone is laughing up their sleeve whenever he realizes customers have to read a 42-page document about navigating through their support black hole of death. Obviously, Business Objects wasn’t a contender for Best Application UIs of 2008 and it looks to me that SAP views customers as saps (see definition 4).

Business Objects Support Page (look for “How to Navigate Inside the SAP Support World: Detailed information for Customers & Partners”)

Submitter comments: I believe Google is starting to crawl Flash text, dunno how successful this will be. This site is just nasty with a splash page, Mystery Meat Navigation (kinda) and Flash everywhere.

The design is nice and I think it would work just as well with HTML and CSS.

What do you think?

Vincent Flanders’ comments: I think you’re right about everything except the Mystery Meat Navigation (MMN). It isn’t “kinda” MMN, it’s a full course of inedible crud.

I don’t think there’s much for a search engine to find. Right now, the site has a PageRank of zero. Besides the MMN, the other big problem is the lack of contrast on the menu (once you mouse over the square). Somehow, this site looks like a web template I’ve seen somewhere.

The site is nicely done and really would be better served by HTML and CSS.

galeforce consumer marketing

Submitter comments: Someone sent me this link. I’m sorry they did. There are so many banners and links, I didn’t know where to look first. It was easier to close the browser window.

Vincent Flanders’ comments: This site belongs to a category I call “Over the Top.” An “Over the Top” web site is just like pornography — you know it when you see it. Accept Jesus, Forever Forgiven! is the perfect example.

“Over the Top” web sites generally deal with philosophy, religion, and politics, but they’re not mainstream. Rush Limbaugh’s site would fall into the “Over the Top” category, except he’s mainstream (even so his site is just a smidgen away from being a Daily Sucker).

While the Jeff Rense Program site is world’s away from the “Accept Jesus” site, it makes use of the stereotypical lime green text intermingled with yellow text. Some text is centered, while other text is flush left and, of course, the page goes on forever. The background for the subpages looks straight out of 1996.

I also don’t know whether to be frightened by or jealous of Mr. Rense’s hair.

Jeff Rense Program

Submitter comments: This website is not too bad, but the designers have not bothered reducing the dimensions of their images. As a result, some of the pages are a few MB in size!

Vincent Flanders’ comments: I don’t know if I’d say it isn’t too bad. There are some serious contrast issues, especially with the text in the upper, right-hand corner of the pages.

The home page comes in at a svelte 785Kb. The “Table and Desk Lamps” page weighs in at almost 11Mb. Whatever the reason, this is just wrong.

Light My House

Submitter comments: Anyway, I was trying to find special software for my company and found this gem.

I tried to find the company’s contact information, but as hard as I tried, I couldn’t even open their site properly. The site opens a pop-up window, loads a Flash interface for three minutes and does nothing even if I click the “click here” button on the map. On my second try, the site just freezes to the “loading” part.

Vincent Flanders’ comments: The good news is that I was able to get into the site. The bad news is that I was able to get into the site.

Initially I thought “When does the page finish loading.” Then I realized I had to read the text on the triangle (Don’t Make Me Think!). Then I had to think whether I had Flash 8 or not (I have Flash 9).

A new window pops up and my eyes are drawn to what I know is Mystery Meat Navigation (MMN) — the flashing circles. I start mousing over them and, of course they’re MMN. My meaty choice was “Our Company” and I immediately looked for a way out. It was then I noticed what probably was a “real” menu system. I clicked the square marked “Actix” and got a real menu. Unfortunately, it led me to more Flash pages.

If you choose “Our Products,” you get Mystery Meat inside Mystery Meat. A message says, “Choose one of our products above.” The message should say, “Take a guess which one of these pictures is the product you never heard of that you might want if we actually told you something up front.” I moused over the first picture and received the useless message “Cellopt.” Yikes.

Actix

Submitter comments: Here’s another web site that sucks from a guy who thinks his site is the best photography site in the world. Enjoy.

Vincent Flanders’ comments: If this is the best photography site on the web, then this web site is the best looking web site in the world. (Trust me, it’s not even remotely close). The site is a classic example of Mistake #5 from Biggest Mistakes in Web Design 1995-2015 — “Have you ever seen another web site? Really? Doesn’t look like it.“

Wedding Photographer Toronto

Submitter comments: Stumbled upon this site while looking to get my water heater serviced.

Vincent Flanders’ comments: This page proves why Mystery Meat Navigation (MMN) is evil. It’s OK for a music or movie site, band, web designer, artist, or actor to use Mystery Meat Navigation because their audience expects it. They expect it because it’s cutting edge. Unfortunately, MMN makes web sites difficult to use.

The real problem with MMN is it’s very seductive — it looks cool and it’s used on a lot of sites which win design awards. Because there’s no long strings of text, MMN makes the page look “cleaner” because there’s more white space.

You know the web design world has gone over the edge when a plumbing web site uses MMN. A plumbing web site!

Master’s Plumber Network — Flat Rate Pricing System